Kiss
Puke
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
