Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
