the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're too hungover to prance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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