Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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