I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
