i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
