Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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