I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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