thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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