I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
