for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
