yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
