When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
