remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
