i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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