Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't turn off my feet"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
