Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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