At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
