Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
40s are totally the cure
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
