Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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