I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
