who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
