so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
