I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
