There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
