I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
