her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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