My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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