My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
