you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We talked him into tasing himself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
