i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
