I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
