life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
