And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks