Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.