A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101