my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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