Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.