You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.