feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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