I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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