My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
