Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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