is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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