I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
