Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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