This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
