Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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