Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
