did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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