WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
