Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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