I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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