I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you had me at cake vodka
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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