Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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