apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
