i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
