you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
