So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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